I have worked hard to overcome my fears. I had a lot of fears, as I have anxiety issues, and sometimes things that can seem like an everyday task or part of life seems so overwhelming to someone with anxiety. I have been lucky in that I have found a way to manage it, while also challenging it. I don’t have the more extreme kinds of anxiety, I don’t experience panic attacks (Though I came close once or twice). I do however always have anxiety, it is constant and never fully goes away. I originally was going to title this “overcoming” your fears, but as I was making my list of fears I realized that I am still afraid of all of these things, but I do them anyways.
I was/am afraid of many things. And I am ok with this. I refuse to let it hold me back in…
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― Beverly Engel
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You want someone to feel
the pain that you feel;
to feel how deep it hurts;
to know how unbearable it is;
how shattered you have
become because of it all,
yet still capable of sharing
unlimited love in spite of it all.
You know you’re broken.
You know how broken you are.
You’re content with being broken.
You’ve accepted yourself
in all of your brokenness.
You don’t want to be fixed.
You want to be seen.
You want to be loved.
You want to see that you’re seen
and feel that you’re loved,
all the way deep,
down to your core,
to the very center of your existence.
You need to see that you’re seen
and feel that you’re loved
for who you are,
as you are now.
Every Single Little Broken Piece of You.
I’m in a migraine holding pattern, meaning my brain has forgotten how to be ‘normal’ and is hyper-responsive to anything right now. I have super bionic senses – all of them. I am truly highly sensitive. I am not ‘feeling’ sensitive but I am over-reacting.
I turned on the water in the sink and screamed in pain from the roaring sound that overwhlemed me for a moment.
I have dimmed all of the lights and displays to ease up on my eyes. No interest in going outside, the sun, if we had any shining, would be too bright through closed eyelids. Makes me see spots.
My skin feels as if it is bruised all over, so a simple brush or bump causes near black out as I recover from the shock.
These are not me imagining everything is too loud. The actual neurons in my head have changed how my…
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Women and men remain in – and return to – abusive relationships for many reasons. For example, it is not uncommon for victims of abuse to remain in the abusive situation because they believe that the abuser will change. This is most common in situations where the abused individual has a great emotional investment in their abuser (i.e. dating or marriage relationships). They love their abuser, despite the violence, and so they hope that some day the abuse will stop.
Is that false hope? Do abusive people ever stop? Violence is a learned behavior and, thus, it must be unlearned.
Before answering the question, “Can an abuser change for good?” we should consider two illustrations of abusive behavior*:
1) The Cycle of Violence represents the three most common stages of the abuser-abused relationship. These stages repeat over and over until either the abuser chooses to…
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Secondary victims of sexual abuse face many challenges as they seek to assist in the healing process and find healing for their own hurt. This is especially true for the parent of an abused child. It’s not unusual to assume that your children are safe with your partner/spouse, parents, or other close family members. However, most cases of child abuse are intrafamilial or come from within the family. When the abuser was your partner/spouse, your parent, or close family member, the pain of the situation is heightened and the familiar family structure is quickly undone. Intrafamilial sexual abuse is a serious betrayal of the trust and safety which ought to have been ensured by the adult members of the family.
Beth Loerke describes what happened when she learned that her husband had been sexually abusing their daughter, Bethany:
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What I’ve learned about these horrible little bugging annoyances.
Here is a list of definitions:
- 1: a piece (as a lever) connected with a catch or detent as a means of releasing it
- 2:something that acts like a mechanical trigger in initiating a process or reaction
A factor that initiates and aggravates a behaviour or response.
D, trekker, that which pulls
a substance, object, or agent that initiates or stimulates an action.
For ‘Survivors of Trauma’ triggers are any combination of person, place, thing or action, which sets off a remembered emotion or fear. These are instinctive reactions ingrained in our system from the attack/traumatic situation, which caused the original terror.
Just like we have remembered happy moments, which set off laughter or tenderness; compassion, we can also have negative and fearful moments. In fact; as my therapist shared with me, ‘When the trauma is severely…
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If you have experienced/or are experiencing violence please be aware that this blog entry may bring up feelings of past trauma. Please reach out for help if this is the case, though this blog is here for informational purposes, I wouldn’t want to re-traumatize anyone. Also please note that if you fear for your safety, there are websites where you can hide the page if your partner walks in the room, I do not have this feature so please proceed based on your level of current safety, or click here www.thehotline.org to access such resources safely.
Even though I work in this field, I am not an expert, I learn new things every day. This list is not exhaustive, and some may disagree with some of them, and that is ok.
While working in the domestic violence field I have often been asked the question, how can…
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